Day 2 – 07/20/2013

Yesterday was a day of tears and some static noise and more tears.  I look back and know I had 3 meetings but the day stretched out till a year and seemed to go on and on.

I told Jim and Suse about the diagnosis, but that I didn’t know any more.  They didn’t know what to say but understood that I was scared and they were there for me.  That is all you can ask for from friends.  That they are there for you.

At this point, I just want answers, an appointment, a plan.  I hate not being in control.

Food is my go to for stress and after going out for breakfast this morning, now I am finding Drunch.

I keep on waiting for that moment to kick in, the mortality factor.  The thought that all these things can go wrong.  But, I am still in denial.  This is something easily overcome and I just have to start doing it.  But, there is no facts behind the thoughts and doubt creeps in.

I search and I read online trying to find answers without any facts.  And at 1-3% of all breast cancers being Paget’s disease there isn’t very many stories to relate to.

1-3% of all breast cancer is Paget’s Disease of the breast.  That is a very scary thought and definitely not in the ‘rare category’ that I have strived to be in all my life.

A lot of posts talk about anger, but all I feel is fear, stress and a hint of feeling lost.  As if I am disconnected with the world moving on around me.  I am reminded that we never really know what is going on in someone’s mind and life as we brush pass them on our way to somewhere else.